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Date: 29 July 2014

Today's Topic: Expressions I hate

Triggers: Commonwealth Games interviews 2014

My Grump: Interviewees who start a sentence with 'I mean, ...' and finish with 'Fanks'

I know I'm a grumpy old sod, but I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend hours and hours watching the Commonwealth Games. That is my first mistake!

Instead I catch the highlights on the news. My second mistake.

The reason it's a mistake is because not only does the news show some skinny athlete running for all their worth, or slipping through the water like a dolphin on speed, but they talk to the lucky winners too.

For me this is where it all falls apart. The commentator or news reader asks a perfectly dumbass question, like, 'What does it feel like to be the winner?'. The competitor begins their reply with, 'I mean, .....'.

I mean should come at at the very earliest after the start of the first sentence, at a time when the answer may have been confusing for the listener, either as an explanatory comment or at a push, an expanding comment, and preferrably following a request by the commentator for more information. NOT AT THE BLOODY START!!

Then, at the end of the interview they want to say 'Fanks to my coach', 'Fanks to my mum and dad', and 'Fanks to Team GB' and on and on and on, 'Fanks' to everyone in other words. Once is bad enough, but 'Fanking' everybody individually, just compounds the irritation, and off it goes before I do.

At least if I had the games on live I could watch the sport and miss all the silly chit-chat afterwards.

Other expressions that get me riled:

At the end of the day - (Yup, the sun will go down and I'll be miles away from you)

Basically - (Can you believe some people actually start every conversation or answer with 'basically'?)

IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) - (I don't care if you think you're humble, keep your opinions to yourself)

With all due respect - (Guaranteed to mean you intend to disrespect me, so shut the 4uck up)

No offence - (Ditto. No offence also means you are going to say something offensive or give an opinion that is not wanted, or needed, most likely)

Bear with me - (No thanks, I'll keep my clothes on if you don't mind, and I would rather you did the same)

Touch base - (This corporate bull gives me the creeps, especially when said by a bloke. You leave my base alone mate, or I will fart thanks)

There's more than one way to skin a cat. - (Yes, and there's more than one way to kick you in the nuts)

Going forward - (Ok, well I guess that's the end of that then)

Brain storm - (Sounds like someone who just blew a gasket)

I've got you in my radar - (I'll remember that next time I fly past you in my jet)

You don't have problems, you have challenges - (Speak for yourself)

Close of play - (It's a business you plonker, not ring-a-ring-a-roses)

Health and Safety or Risk management - (Common sense workshops by clueless trainers, for idiots who couldn't care less)

110%, 120% or even 200% committed - (You might be full of enthusiasm with the boss, who also knows you are no good at math, and probably really should be committed)

Please share the expressions you hate the most below, thank you.

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